Nothing special happened that day and that made of it the perfect choice to carry out my plan. I was wondering how to do it, but didn’t really know the reason why I ever wanted to do so. The only thing I was sure about was that THAT same day was THE day. So, I went out of my house with that insane intention, became lost in my own thoughts. “Should or shouldn’t do this?” “Of course, I should. It’s a must. What else could I do?” Nothing could have stopped me, nobody could have prevented me from doing what I had firmly decided to do, even if that thing that I wanted to do wasn’t very “Christian”. But in this strange world of us, unexpected things usually change our plans.
I was wandering a wood, but I can’t remember how I got to that wood, or where it was, or if it ever existed. It’s not easy to live being as intelligent as I am. That day, I just couldn’t stand the weight of my thoughts. I wanted to pound them all, to tear them right off and be free. So, what I’d chosen to do was the right thing to do to end with my torture.
Buuuut, you know, when you’re about to do that thing that I was about to do, you start thinking of what you are going to leave behind and some kind of guilty feeling overcomes you. And I say “guilt feeling” because it is a guilt feeling. I mean, you feel guilty when you do what I had planned to do, and feel guilty because everything will be very dirty after your action and you won’t be there to clean it and clear it, so, it’s quite possible that your mother or any friend has to do that for you. Yeah. That’s bad. It’s bullshit.
Anyway, I decided to be egoist and do what I had thought to do. I prayed a little bit and got on my knees… and… then… that noise interrupted me. For God shake!! Who can concentrate with that noise! I looked around, trying to find out where the noise came from.
- Hey! I am here.
- Who’s speaking? – I asked, scared, because I couldn’t see anyone.
- It’s me, the beautiful Blue Frog with silky long blonde hair.
- Ah, yes, of course! The famous Blue Frog with silky long blonde hair of the woods... yes, yes, who else…
- Yep, the selfsame Blue Frog with silky long blonde hair of the Northen woods.
- Is there anything I could do for you? I’m a little bit busy right now and I don’t have time to lose with you.
- Well… not really… well… yes.
- So?
- Can you see that bush?
-What bush?
- That bush, just behind you, the big one.
-Yes, it’s here. What do you want me to do?
- Could you, please, put your hand in the bush and give me give me the thing that you will find there?
- Why don’t you do that yourself? I mean, put yourself in!
- I can. I’m allergic to that bush.
- Ok… Go… And for the record, I do this because I want you to leave me alone… and because I’m a great person.
I was rummaging about that bush for more than 10 minutes, but couldn’t find anything.
- I’m waaaaiting… - Blue Frog told me in a restless voice.
- Goddammit, I know, I’m doing my best…
- I’m waaaaiting!
- I know, Blue Frog, but I can’t find it…
- Keep on it!! It must be there!!!!! IT MUST BE THERE!!! I need it!
- What am I looking for?
- My umbrella.
- For God shake, Blue Frog, why the hell would you need an umbrella? You’re a frog! You’re supposed to love water.
- Yes, indeed, I love water, but since I have this silky, extremely beautiful blond hair, I have to be very careful with water.
- Oh! Here it is!!!!! I get it!
- Give it to me, give it to me, GIVE IT TO ME NOW! – I gave him the umbrella inmediatly – It’s so beautiful, so useful, so… oh, my hair is saved. It’s going to rain today, did you know it?
- No.
- Didn’t you know that it’s going to rain in an hour?
- No. The sky is clear, it’s sunny and warm. I don’t think it’s going to rain.
- But it is! I know it! Everybody knows it! You, stupid girl… The hole in my ass is cleverer than you. My friends, everyone in my family (even my niece, who is 2 days old), frogs and people that I know only by sight, the baker (who has a profound mental retardation), my parents’ gardener (who’s a borderline person), Sophie’s friend (whose intelligence quotient is 26 and lives in the worst pond you can imagine), all of them are cleverer than you. Well, the thing is that it isn’t that difficult… I mean, anyone… not, anything can be cleverer than you. My fish is cleverer than you. But, the real question is: “is there anyone cleverer than my arsehole?” Of course, there is, but you aren’t that person. In fact, are you a person? In fact, a fact is that you’re a fact, not a person.
- I didn’t know you had a fish.
- Yes, it’s my pet. Wait here.
The frog left me standing there, waiting for him to come with his fish. Firstly, I waited 20 minutes. Then, 2 hours, 2 days, two weeks… and he didn’t come back, so I realized that he had gone forever. After all those days there, without doing anything actually, just waiting, I felt a little bit exhausted and confused. What I was doing there? I mean, how did I get there? And why? I couldn’t remember if I got there to meet the frog or I bumped into him by chance. I didn’t know if I met the frog before, or he was a new friend. Was he a friend?
I decided to look for the frog and clear up all those doubts.
It’s horrible to live with doubts around you. They put themselves into your head quietly and start confusing everything. After a few days in your brain, you don’t know whether the doubts are mere questions without answers or whether the doubts are real problems. I have to find Blue Frog and solve those doubts before they become real problems.
I saw a septic tank , looked in it and asked for the frog. No answer, only my echo, which is not the frog, of course.
I found a hollow trunk and thought the frog was there. I set fire to it, so that the frog got out of there (in case he was there), but he didn’t. Oh, I realized it! I’d killed the frog! I was sure he trapped in there and couldn’t come out. I burst into tears. I didn’t mean to hurt him… Blue Frog was right. I was stupid.
Suddenly, I felt that someone was watching me and I heard an unbearable giggle which came from the tree just behind me. I turned around and there was the frog, staring at me with a huge smile in his froggy-face. His silky blonde hair was in a ponytail.
- Hello, miss Veen, how are you?.
- I’ve been looking for you desperately for the last… for the last… for too long!
- Why for?
- I have doubts and you’re the only one who can help me out with those questions that are killing me. By the way, where is your fish?
- Which fish?
- Your pet.
-My pet?
-Your pet.
- I don’t have a pet.
- You do have a pet. It’s a fish. You told me about it and last time we saw each other, you told me “wait here” and went fetch it, because you wanted to show me your fish.
- I tell you, I don’t have a fish… NO, wait! Yes, you’re right. I have a fish.
- Do you have a fish?
- Yes, it’s my pet.
- What kind of fish?
- It’s a swordfish.
- Wow! A swordfish!
- Do you want to see it?
- Yes, please!
- Wait here.
He disappeared again. And me… alone again, naturally. After six days of not knowing what to do, trying to find the frog, I decided to get on with my life. I had to come back home, because there was nothing more I could do in that wood.
On my way home, I bumped into the frog. It started raining, as the frog said.
- You see? I told you, stupid girl. It’s raining.
- I see. Can I borrow your umbrella?
- No. My beautiful hair might get ruined.
- Where is your fish?
- Which fish?
- Your swordfish.
- I don’t have any swordfish.
Then, I decide to kill him. I hated his silky, long, blonde hair.
I was wandering a wood, but I can’t remember how I got to that wood, or where it was, or if it ever existed. It’s not easy to live being as intelligent as I am. That day, I just couldn’t stand the weight of my thoughts. I wanted to pound them all, to tear them right off and be free. So, what I’d chosen to do was the right thing to do to end with my torture.
Buuuut, you know, when you’re about to do that thing that I was about to do, you start thinking of what you are going to leave behind and some kind of guilty feeling overcomes you. And I say “guilt feeling” because it is a guilt feeling. I mean, you feel guilty when you do what I had planned to do, and feel guilty because everything will be very dirty after your action and you won’t be there to clean it and clear it, so, it’s quite possible that your mother or any friend has to do that for you. Yeah. That’s bad. It’s bullshit.
Anyway, I decided to be egoist and do what I had thought to do. I prayed a little bit and got on my knees… and… then… that noise interrupted me. For God shake!! Who can concentrate with that noise! I looked around, trying to find out where the noise came from.
- Hey! I am here.
- Who’s speaking? – I asked, scared, because I couldn’t see anyone.
- It’s me, the beautiful Blue Frog with silky long blonde hair.
- Ah, yes, of course! The famous Blue Frog with silky long blonde hair of the woods... yes, yes, who else…
- Yep, the selfsame Blue Frog with silky long blonde hair of the Northen woods.
- Is there anything I could do for you? I’m a little bit busy right now and I don’t have time to lose with you.
- Well… not really… well… yes.
- So?
- Can you see that bush?
-What bush?
- That bush, just behind you, the big one.
-Yes, it’s here. What do you want me to do?
- Could you, please, put your hand in the bush and give me give me the thing that you will find there?
- Why don’t you do that yourself? I mean, put yourself in!
- I can. I’m allergic to that bush.
- Ok… Go… And for the record, I do this because I want you to leave me alone… and because I’m a great person.
I was rummaging about that bush for more than 10 minutes, but couldn’t find anything.
- I’m waaaaiting… - Blue Frog told me in a restless voice.
- Goddammit, I know, I’m doing my best…
- I’m waaaaiting!
- I know, Blue Frog, but I can’t find it…
- Keep on it!! It must be there!!!!! IT MUST BE THERE!!! I need it!
- What am I looking for?
- My umbrella.
- For God shake, Blue Frog, why the hell would you need an umbrella? You’re a frog! You’re supposed to love water.
- Yes, indeed, I love water, but since I have this silky, extremely beautiful blond hair, I have to be very careful with water.
- Oh! Here it is!!!!! I get it!
- Give it to me, give it to me, GIVE IT TO ME NOW! – I gave him the umbrella inmediatly – It’s so beautiful, so useful, so… oh, my hair is saved. It’s going to rain today, did you know it?
- No.
- Didn’t you know that it’s going to rain in an hour?
- No. The sky is clear, it’s sunny and warm. I don’t think it’s going to rain.
- But it is! I know it! Everybody knows it! You, stupid girl… The hole in my ass is cleverer than you. My friends, everyone in my family (even my niece, who is 2 days old), frogs and people that I know only by sight, the baker (who has a profound mental retardation), my parents’ gardener (who’s a borderline person), Sophie’s friend (whose intelligence quotient is 26 and lives in the worst pond you can imagine), all of them are cleverer than you. Well, the thing is that it isn’t that difficult… I mean, anyone… not, anything can be cleverer than you. My fish is cleverer than you. But, the real question is: “is there anyone cleverer than my arsehole?” Of course, there is, but you aren’t that person. In fact, are you a person? In fact, a fact is that you’re a fact, not a person.
- I didn’t know you had a fish.
- Yes, it’s my pet. Wait here.
The frog left me standing there, waiting for him to come with his fish. Firstly, I waited 20 minutes. Then, 2 hours, 2 days, two weeks… and he didn’t come back, so I realized that he had gone forever. After all those days there, without doing anything actually, just waiting, I felt a little bit exhausted and confused. What I was doing there? I mean, how did I get there? And why? I couldn’t remember if I got there to meet the frog or I bumped into him by chance. I didn’t know if I met the frog before, or he was a new friend. Was he a friend?
I decided to look for the frog and clear up all those doubts.
It’s horrible to live with doubts around you. They put themselves into your head quietly and start confusing everything. After a few days in your brain, you don’t know whether the doubts are mere questions without answers or whether the doubts are real problems. I have to find Blue Frog and solve those doubts before they become real problems.
I saw a septic tank , looked in it and asked for the frog. No answer, only my echo, which is not the frog, of course.
I found a hollow trunk and thought the frog was there. I set fire to it, so that the frog got out of there (in case he was there), but he didn’t. Oh, I realized it! I’d killed the frog! I was sure he trapped in there and couldn’t come out. I burst into tears. I didn’t mean to hurt him… Blue Frog was right. I was stupid.
Suddenly, I felt that someone was watching me and I heard an unbearable giggle which came from the tree just behind me. I turned around and there was the frog, staring at me with a huge smile in his froggy-face. His silky blonde hair was in a ponytail.
- Hello, miss Veen, how are you?.
- I’ve been looking for you desperately for the last… for the last… for too long!
- Why for?
- I have doubts and you’re the only one who can help me out with those questions that are killing me. By the way, where is your fish?
- Which fish?
- Your pet.
-My pet?
-Your pet.
- I don’t have a pet.
- You do have a pet. It’s a fish. You told me about it and last time we saw each other, you told me “wait here” and went fetch it, because you wanted to show me your fish.
- I tell you, I don’t have a fish… NO, wait! Yes, you’re right. I have a fish.
- Do you have a fish?
- Yes, it’s my pet.
- What kind of fish?
- It’s a swordfish.
- Wow! A swordfish!
- Do you want to see it?
- Yes, please!
- Wait here.
He disappeared again. And me… alone again, naturally. After six days of not knowing what to do, trying to find the frog, I decided to get on with my life. I had to come back home, because there was nothing more I could do in that wood.
On my way home, I bumped into the frog. It started raining, as the frog said.
- You see? I told you, stupid girl. It’s raining.
- I see. Can I borrow your umbrella?
- No. My beautiful hair might get ruined.
- Where is your fish?
- Which fish?
- Your swordfish.
- I don’t have any swordfish.
Then, I decide to kill him. I hated his silky, long, blonde hair.
